My name is [X], I was sexually abused as a kid and also an abuser as a kid and I’m 23, and just now accepting the reality of my past.
To this day I feel like it’s something that’s been holding me back but i cant exactly identify what it is, I suffer from p*rn addiction as well and I have suffered from it for 3-4 or maybe 5-6 years, I cant exactly say.
Currently am quitting weed but i used to smoke daily. I feel like i repressed so much trauma that it’s A: hindering me from moving on, or B:; stopping me from making rational decisions in my life, I have a house that’s going into foreclosure and I’m out of work right now. I do have opportunities lined up but I’m perfectly content with sitting around doing nothing, until sh*t hits the fan. I feel like i often force myself into fight or flight reactions to move on with my life., Ex. I would lose my job to see the value of money, which would make me work harder in other ventures.
I feel like I suffer from a false pride whereas how I actually feel about myself no one actually understands, nor agree and often say I’m too harsh on myself. I’ve been watching your show for a little while off and on, So I’ve halfheartedly spent 5-6 years trying to figure out who i am. Yet i still don’t know. I’M worried that i’m gonna voluntarily ruin my life because logic and practically shows that if i don’t make the correct changes within myself that my life will be that of a homeless man Stef.
I don’t have any direction in my life even tho i think i kinda know what i want to do. I just feel like my entire life is out of control.
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